|
|
|
October 11th, 2005
09:03 am - blah
my life sucks... end of story... everything sucks.. school, family.. friends..money... anything and everything sucks i want to crawl in hole and never come out! god help me.
Current Mood:  aggravated
|
August 15th, 2005
05:15 pm - summer is almost done!! YEAH!
ya so most people dread the summer ending.. but im the complete opposite. for me everything clicks better when i'm at school. and right now im at a point in my life where things either click or they dont, and if they dont im done forcing them ya know? still havent gotten a loan for school yet which scares me but hopefully i can get one this week. im at work again.. bored off my ass.. one last week of working 7 days a week!!! :) this year is going to be good for me, i can already tell.
*please dont judge me*
things change... people change.. but life goes on..
Current Mood:  bored
|
August 5th, 2005
08:26 pm - at work!
so yea i NEVER write in this thing but im sooooooo bored and very very pissed times 5135165413654684684! so heres why.... monday night i was supposed to work 5-10 at the hotel (job 2 i call it) and when i get in my friend Tim who got me the job and the reason why i stay was tired so he was supposed to work 3-11 and he was like "can you stay to 11 and i can leave at 7 and on friday you can come in punch in and leave so you get paid for your shift (which is 5-11) and i will stay so its equal" so i agreed and i stayed ALL BY MY FREAKING SELF which i hate being alone at this job so then i go and make plans with Nick because we never get to see each other b/c our work schedules conflict and such... so then i come in and wouldnt ya know it? he got in a fight with my manager and walked out. so here i am expecting to walk in, get my check punch in and leave and have a good night with my boyfriend... and of course why would something go good in my life? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH im so agravated right now!! so im stuck here by myself until 11...and working tomoro 1-10 at ALDO and then sunday for once i dont have to close at aldo because i begged so im working 9:30-5 so i can actually see nick sunday night.. GUH! i just cant wait to get back to school... i mean mansfield is home and all but umd is where my friends are and where i feel comfortable and i dont have to deal with so much shit. i miss my percussion kiddies *shout out to all you guys i sitll love all you guys and miss you* but things w/ someone are still very off and akaward and i hate that.. when we bumped into eachother last i really thought things were looking up, but apparently i was wrong and maybe im hanging onto something that i shouldnt.. but it still makes me sad. Nick and i have been kind of ricky lately.... lots of tears from me and lots of agravationg from him... i dunno we'll see what happens with us.. its just so hard sometimes b/c hes soooo much older than i and wants different things ya know? oh well im gonna go.. stupid guests needing towles and such!!! later
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: whatevers on the radio right now
|
June 14th, 2005
07:58 pm - life
so ya i never write in this thing but oh well i have some things to say...
life sucks right now for kelly and i right now and it never seems to be getting better. i cant stand people who look us in the face or try to say to us.... things can get better if you make them better.... im sorry do you NOT think that we haven't done anything in our powers to make things better?? and it doesnt help that people who used to care dont anymore. we're not looking for attention (unlike some people) we just want someone to be there for us like they used to be, basically just to care for us seeing as we're pretty much alone in this shitty life we lead, but apparently other things and other people are more important than that, and it sucks. and i know that everyone has their own problems but seriously here is a reality Bitch slap for some people.... YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT LIFE IF:
YOU HAVE A HOUSE (LIVE IN A GOOD ONE I MEAN)
IF YOU HAVE A NICE HOUSE
IF YOU HAVE A CAR
IF YOU HAVE A GOOD CAR THAT WORKS
IF YOUR PARENTS HAVE MONEY
IF OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE MONEY
IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK.. BUT JUST WORK BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS MAKE YOU OR SO THAT YOU CAN GO SHOPPING
IF YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO TREATS YOU RIGHT
IF YOU DONT HAVE TO PAY FOR COLLEGE
IF YOU COULD GO TO ANY COLLEGE YOU WANTED
IF YOU DONT LIVE IN A SHITHOLE THAT IS ALWAYS CLEAN
IF YOU DONT PAY ANY BILLS
IF YOU DONT PAY YOUR PARENTS BILLS
IF YOU DONT PAY FOR YOUR CAR
IF YOUR PARENTS GET A LONG
IF YOUR PARENTS ARENT DRUNKS OR CLINICALLY PYSCHOTIC
IF YOUR NOT DYING
IF SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU ISNT DYING
IF YOUVE NEVER HAD A WEIGHT PROBLEM
IF YOU GET TO HAVE AS MUCH VACATION TIME AS YOU WANT AND RELAX FOR A SUMMER AND NOT WORK 40+ HOURS
IF YOUR PARENTS WILL PAY FOR ANYTHING (EVEN A WEDDING OVER 200 PEOPLE)
IF YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY EVERY DAY ABOUT HAVING TO GET UP AND MOVE OR NOT HAVING FOOD
IF YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT NOT HAVING HOT WATER OR OTHER SUCH LUXURIES
IF YOUR BEST FRIEND STILL TALKS TO YOU
AND IM SURE THERE IS SOOOOO MUCH MORE I WANT TO ADD TO THIS LIST AND MAYBE LATER I WILL BUT FOR NOW MY FEET HURT FROM WORK SO IM GOING TO GO... BUT FOR A WORD OF ADVICE IF TOU ANY OF THAT ABOVE APPLIES TO YOU SHUT UP BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO IT BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE ME AND MY SISTER AND SOOOO MANY OTHER PEOPLE HAVE HARDER LIVES THAN YOU... THIS ISNT DIRECTED AT ANYONE SPECIFIC BUT IT JUST SEEMS LIKE WHOM EVER I BUMP INTO LATELY OR THINGS I HEAR IS PEOLE BEING LIKE BLAH BLAH BLAH FEEL BAD FOR ME.... I DONT WANT ANYONE TO FEEL BAD FOR ME, I JUST WANT MY FRIEND BACK TO LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND SEEING AS THAT PERSON USED TO BE THERE AND NOW THAT JUST ISNT SO.
I THINK INSTEAD OF A "GOOD BYE" OR A "PEACE" OR "LATER" I'M LEAVING THIS ONE WITH A HEARTY.......FUCK OFF!!!!!
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: KELLY CLARKSON
|
April 29th, 2005
12:59 am - AMAZING!!!
FUCKING AMAZING!!!! OH MY GOD TODAY WAS SOOOOO FREAKIN AWESOME!!!! TOURGASM (AKA DANE COOK AND OTHER COMEDIANS) CAME TO OUR SCHOOL, AND BEING ON CAB (CONCERT ACTIVITIES BOARD) WE WERE UBER INVOLVED TODAY. KELLY AND I WERE ON THE HOSPITALITY COMMITTEE AND MET ALL THE COMEDIANS (THEY WERE ALL WICKED NICE AND FUNNY AND WE GOT PICTURES AND AUTOGRAPHS) WE HAD OUR AWESOME SHIRTS AND BADGES... THE SHOW ITSELF WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!! THE COMEDIANS GOT BETTER AS THE SHOW WENT ON.. DANE BEING ON LAST!! ;-) TERRI AND KARA CAME TO SEE IT, I WISH WE COULD HAVE HUNG OUT BUT WE HAD TO WORK THE SHOW ALL DAY AND IT BEING A SCHOOL NIGHT, THEY HAD TO GET BACK HOME.. BUT I GOT TO SEE THEM FOR A FEW MINUTES (DEFINATELY NEED TO HANG OUT AND CATCH UP SOON) BUT ANYWAYS... I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN WHAT AN AWESOME DAY/NIGHT IT WAS...SO EXCITING AND FUN... I THINK THAT FOR ALL THE SHITTINESS I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH IN MY LIFE TODAY WAS A WELL DESERVED GOOD DAY!!!
BUT IM SOOO EXHAUSTED AND STILL HAVE A PROJECT TO DO AND ITS 1 AM.. AWESOME.. OH WELL IM SO HAPPY IT DOESNT PHASE ME! :) TAKE CARE EVERYONE!
Current Mood:  chipper
|
April 24th, 2005
10:43 pm - i know.. it's a shocker.. i'm updating!
well my weekend started off as (see kelly's entry) BUT SHE FORGOT TO ADD THAT WHAT WAS BLOWING OUT OF THE CAM CAM AND WHAT WE WERE BREATHING IN WAS TOXIC FUMES OF ANTIFREEZE CARSINOGENS!! IT WAS YUCKY!! SO YEAH THAT MAJORLY SUCKED!!!!! *HAPPY EARTH DAY!?!?!* HAHAHA OH WELL.. I GUESS WE SCREWED THAT ONE UP!
so yeah there have been a lot of changes in my life lately.. kinda.. its been a long and tough road for a lot of things, and if you know me you know what i have been going through lately and some of the changes that are going on in my life right now. there have been a lot of tears and thinking and decesion making. blah..not fun.. AT ALL! i hate to sound so pessimisitc all the time, yet my life doesnt seem to be getting any easier of better for that fact and it sucks and no matter what i attempt to do to fix it, it either backfires, or isnt good enough to fix any of my problems. its so hard when you can't control things in your life ya know? and i get so angry and fustrated and upset when i can't do anything about the shittiness of my life that i cant control.... ::WANTS TO SCREAM::
anyways.. and old friend call me and kel today....not the one i was hoping for but i don't see that one calling anytime soon. i guess we're in 2 different places and when or if we can see eye to eye hopefully we can meet up again, but i wont lie, it has been REALLY tough going through all these things in my life without that person, so if that certain person should for some unknown reason see this, just know that i think about you A LOT everyday and i miss you and i hope you are doing better than i am b/c i wish my life or nothing like it on anyone, no matter how upset they may make me... ok so i stopped making sense like an hour ago so i am gonna leave it at that...
PS school is almost done... kinda... but this week is DANE COOK and some kiddies are comming to visit us and see him... should be fun.. PEACE
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: kelly clarkson
|
January 13th, 2005
08:38 pm - im not me
sometimes i really feel that i suck at life. i honestly feel that way and im so trying not to break down and cry as i type because i seriously believe what i just said. i dont know who i am. i do things that most people in my position wouldnt. im so up and down. happy, sad, angry, very angy at times. i dont know what i want in life or who i want in it. sometimes i wish it was all so easy, i know that sounds nieve or whatever have you but sometimes dont good people deserve good things? a good life? when or will i ever get that? all i can say is that i can only hope soon.... im still very unsettled about many issues ive been facing.. but ha what else is new really?
Current Mood: blah!
Current Music: green day.b/c i dont have a demo to listen to but i want to!
|
January 9th, 2005
12:40 am - taking things in..
so much has happened to me emotionally and mentally. ive been trying to figure out a lot of things... what else is new huh?? lol well anyways ive been reading a book now that ive been meaning to read for a while because its from my favorite author and this is a quote in it that totally sums up my phche i think.
" All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged peices beyond repair."
I think i can figure out which group my parents and my childhood fits into. but im not too sure about the whole beyond repair deal. being the spritual person i am i would like to think that it can be repaired some day, but for all the damage it has done, i agree with that statement right now until i can find that day of peace. --thats all i have to say right now
Current Mood: im sick blah!
Current Music: papa roach
|
January 1st, 2005
06:46 pm - are you following the sound of your heart beating?
i would like to think i am, i would like to think thats about the only thing im doing. because i think right now the only thing i am happy with is Nick. i hate myself. dont judge me. i just hate myself. im disgusting. ive disgusted myself enough to hate myself. some girls would kill for a guy who thinks that they are sexy and beautiful, and well i have that but i cringe evertime i hear those words or when his hand touched my stomach or slaps my ass. i love him, that i think im sure about, but its everythings else about myself and my life right now that im not sure about. do you think that saying is actually true? the one that says "you cant love someone until you love yourself" ? because if that's true then i know that i supose ill never love anyone. not only am i disgusted with myself physically at this point but mentally and emotionally. i cant believe that i would trusts someones opinion so much over mine (because they are a big part of my life) that it would make me second guess my relationshop, which i do know isnt perfect, but im happy, cant you be happy for me and not feed me that crap about being in two different places in our lives? that crap almost drove me several times to break up with Nick, and left me in tears for days. im sorry if i hold you ( and by you if you know what im talking about then you know who you are, for anyone else i appologize for the rant) to suhc high standards but ive been shit on so many times in my life and once it seemed that i found someone who would break the mold, i cherish them and they are just so different from everyone that thet automatically have to be held up to higher standards. i just want to be happy. and some days i look into Nick's eyes and i smile, and i am ligitimally happy. but it never seems to last because oher factors seem to creep into my head and make me rethink so many decisions and soforth.
break has been uber boring on another note. saw the baby!! :) very exciting! new years was boring. work sucks. and someone who i hooked up with for over a year, through everything, thought of everyone else this christmas and not me. oh well. just another asshole. what else is new?! oh well
"its crazy how some things never seem to work out"
Current Mood:  i dont know what that meanslol
Current Music: ryan cabrera (again)
|
December 24th, 2004
12:00 pm - *sigh*
I don't even know what to say anymore. if anything i kinda feel betrayed in a sense. so many conversations running through my head.. and all i can do is shake my head in wonder. a definite slap in the face to me.
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: ryan cabrera
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
jennypants08's journal